BeanerBanter

Jose and the technicolor fart

2006-11-17T16:05:00.000-08:00

So I get the call from the teacher this week. Same stuff, Sam won't listen, sit still, pay attention blah blah blah. However, this time his teacher says he had a worse day. Apparently Sam had a bout with uncontrollable laughter. His teacher said that his friend Jose had passed gas and Sam couldn't stop laughing. I am sorry, but I couldn't even address this issue. It's funny, plain and simple. Plus, a fart is diverse and brings children of other ethnic backgrounds together on a neutral platform. The fart...funny when we do it, funny when others do it, and really funny when animals do it. In my house the funny factor of the fart stays. It's funny.

St. Francis Gone Bad

2006-10-13T19:18:00.000-07:00

So the kitten's still around. He has a name (Olaf) and has a litter box. The problem is the little asshole has got to go, but the alternatives are scary. He needs to go to a shelter but I don't want him to end up as cancer research. The no-kill shelters have waiting lists so Olaf continues to live in comfort disrupting our lives. So far he has tipped the bird cage over, had a feast of my peace lily, hung from the salt water tank, ate from the garbage and puked whatever he didn't digest, attacked the dog on numerous occasions, and generally taken over the house. Don't get me wrong..I enjoy holding, kissing, petting, and playing with the little bastard, the problem is that this kitten is a pain in the ass and when we're trying to sell our house the last thing we need is a litter box and an attack cat in the basement. So decisions need to be made and Olaf needs a home. We'll enjoy him for now.

Somebody stop me

2006-09-16T16:59:00.000-07:00

For the 4th time I have found a stray cat and have begun to care for it. This one is different than the others because it is only about 3 months old and doesn't want to secretly kill me. It loves me, my son, and my dog. Stash is allergic so he just kind of pushes it to the side with his foot. Now that I have fed it, kissed it, (I probably have worms) and brought it into the house at night, it just lays in front of the door all day. I will find a home for Olaf. It is my goal this week. This bad habit of mine causes my mother to cringe. She always said I was a follower of St. Francis.

Vote for "Obi"

2006-09-08T17:32:00.000-07:00

Ahhhh, District 4. This congressional race is interesting to say the least. Of course we have good old Betty McCollum that wants to stick more and more money in to St. Paul Schools to fund things that our children will never take advantage of. And, of course, let's not forget human rights (because we don't have enough) and the problems in Iraq. Good job Betty, your platform consists of everything the voters want to hear. But now let me introduce you to Jack Shepard. He is a fugitive felon dentist living in Rome. I think he's LOST. He can't enter the state without being arrested for arson of his dentist office. Then we have "Obi" Sium (R) who is a Hydrologist, Civil Engineer, and Ex-Oakdale Planning Commissioner. His platform includes cutting taxes and making schools responsible for what the do with the amount of funds they are allowed. HMMM, I think my mind is made up. I'm bringing Jack back into town to have a couple of beers and a bonfire. O.K., just kidding, I gotta go with Obi. But Jack, you're hot, call me baby, I'm on fire.

The worm has turned

2006-08-22T15:32:00.000-07:00

I just have to comment on this woman? Mpls. fire Chief Bonnie? Bleskacheck. What the hell. This person should be fighting against discrimination and yet she's creating discrimination. It's all coming full circle, folks. This is a prime example of someone taking advantage of a diversity position. Bonnie, Bonnie, Bonnie. What's the matter with you?

What the hell was that?

2006-08-08T17:45:00.000-07:00

So we are trying to sell our house in the Eastside. 'Cause that's how we roll. However, the challenges are endless. First you have the fact that it's a buyers market out there, so we're basically screwed by that. Then you have your neighbors. Ours have pigeons and chickens. The city of St. Paul doesn't really respond to complaints regarding fowl because they don't want to ruffle any cultural "feathers". O.K. fine. But now, we have a family of 10 skunks that are after these creatures (and their eggs)so my house is filled with skunk smell every night. Just great!@! So guess who is going to city hall and becoming a huge burden? ME. According to my friends I am supposed to embrace diversity...and then I ask them..."How's the weather in Woodbury, Highland, and Apple Valley? Hypocrits. Don't let your recycling blow over, you'll get a ticket.

Has anyone seen my expansion valve?

2006-04-18T18:44:00.000-07:00

This is all I need. This lamp, this ashtray, and this expansion valve. That's all I need. All I need is this lamp, this ashtray, this expansion valve, and my freakn' ice maker to be fixed!!! People are crazy. They still can't live without their ice and now they are becoming verbally abusive about it. I did find out one thing today though. Special needs people can make your life better in less than seconds. My place of employment has temporarily hired special needs people to do some menial tasks. They are so appreciative, kind, and respectful that it makes you wish you were in their world for one day. Americans are becoming spoiled and ungrateful. They can't live without ice water and hate for their daily routines to be distrupted. They don't say "thanks" or "please" anymore and could give a shit less that someone is working their butt off to please them. I think we need to learn from special needs people. They are just grateful when someone is being kind to them.. and at this point in life, so am I. That's sad.

Black Thursday

2006-04-06T16:00:00.000-07:00

Today was "Black Thursday" in the cafe. The worst thing ever you could ever imagine happened...the coke fountain broke down. It was horrible. The worst part wasn't the fact that you couldn't enjoy an ice cold Coca Cola fountain beverage, no that wasn't the worst part, it was the fact that a large amount of customers had to go without their ice water. There was no ice. No transparent cubes to add to the daily routine. No clinking noise in cups brought from home, no happiness, no satisfaction in the water they consumed. It was mayhem beginning at 7:00 am. Explanations were wanted, mechanical advice was given, and anger ran like the water they wanted to enjoy. At first I hid. Then my wheels started turning. "I'll put a sign on the machine explaining my plight". Sign read..Out of Order. Simply stated, this machine was down. That should do it. NOPE. Pretty much heard comments like, "there's no ice?" "but is the water working?" "can we still get pop?" When did Out of Order lose it's notoriety? Why is that not good enough anymore? "Whatever, I'll refine the sign" So, I went with " Entire machine is out of order. Will be serviced today. Sorry for any inconvenience. " Now that should do it. I used the word entire and now they will know that everything on the machine is out of order. NOPE. It got worse. Customers decided that they would take matters into their own hands and started to migrate to the "master" ice bin. This is the big commercial ice make that we use to fill the salad bar, deli bar, etc. After witnessing a couple customers fetch ice by dipping their cups (that they already had their lips on) into the large bin of ice, I pointed out the dangers of Shigella to one customer. For those of you that are not in food service, that is the food born illness you contract from poop. I explained that if customers are going to help themselves to ice in the bulk ice bin, they may want to consider if all of their coworkers religiously wash their hands after a bathroom break. By the look on his face, this reality was not put into consideration. HAA!!! REMEMBER THE HOGSBREATH! So I put a sign on that. "Cafe staff only. Please ask for assistance". Back to the fountain machine. I should point out that there has been several customers that have become pissed off at us throughout the day. I'm not sure if they think I know how to fix a compressor or if they think we're doing this to them intentionally. As the day progresses, I'm officially sick of the bitching. I finally come up the solution. I grab a Sharpy and write in big bold letters.."DO NOT USE AT ALL". (I should tell you that up until this point I was printing out all these signs on my computer, not anymore). Then I grab a roll of duct tape, because that's the answer to everything, and I duct tape all that levers on the damn machine. Case closed. So I thought. At the end of the day a customer comes and says........wait for it..........."Do you know that someone put duct tape on your Coke machine?" I can't stress secondary education enough. Somebody kill me.

Parkway school closing

2006-03-17T19:28:00.000-08:00

So Parkway school is closing and apparently according to at least one black parent it is because the school board is mostly white. Are you kidding me? Hey, Brother! My child is in a charter school and I hate it but it does not suck because of the color of the school board. It sucks because it is a St. Paul charter school and I did not do enough research. The bill is paid...get over it. Research your school and quit trying to act like you're involved after something happens. I'm tired of the color of someone's skin being the excuse for things that be taken care of with a little community involvement. VOTE for your school board. Bet ya didn't do that "dad".

Ray of Hope

2006-03-14T20:03:00.000-08:00

My son went to a birthday party on Saturday. He had a great time and the best part was his list of party favors included fake cat poop. All hope is not lost for some parents still enjoy the not so appropriate things in life. God bless you people, and God bless Spencers.

What is the principle of the principal?

2006-03-12T17:26:00.000-08:00

Can you remember being called to the principal's office? If not, good for you; however, I'm finding out it has become a "nonfactor" in our public school systems. I can remember walking the green mile to the principal's office and directing my own death sequence in my head. Death would be better than going home and telling the "old man" what I had done. As a mother of a "busy" (that's what grandma likes to say..I say he's nuts) 5 year old, I've come to my wits end with the public school's bad behavior protocol. As an only child, he thinks the world revolves around him and his teacher has no clue how to snuff the fire in the class room. He's talking too much so she seats him at the table right in front of her desk..."Perfect! Now I have her full attention". Basically what I'm saying is now my child has made it from the audience to the stage...good job lady. Every week another note found in the backpack. Offenses range from talking to much, not sitting still, interupting, and even pushing a kid on the playground. My response? "Quit it, stop it, be quiet, hands to yourself"...the list goes on. Finally; after being completely exhausted of all resources, I suggest...Duh dunnnn...Yes, the Almighty. Send him to THE PRINCIPAL! I pictured the wizard on Wizard of Oz. Just a big face with no testies. backpedal, backpedal, backpeddal. The response was truly an awakening. Apparently the Principal is only used for guns, knives and Al Quaida. There are several steps to take with a child before he or she reaches Principal level. First, we have the "I'm disappointed when....show the class how... and great job for not being an asshole today" propaganda that mothers in Liberal Lakes like to use. They try all this first so that they don't beat the shit out of their kids when they really want to. Time out mom. Then we take a "field trip" to the behavioral management doofus that got his degree online in six weeks. That works out great. Oh, I forgot to mention, medication was brought up several times before the first 3 weeks of school. www.breggin.com. Great idea, teach. So here we are with basically two months left. My son has learned alot and so have I. Next year he goes somewhere else. I would like to thank all the mothers that tried to protect their children from any harsh words from teachers. You've made a great deal of difference. Oh; by the way, you might want to go down the basement where your 24 year old daughter lives and explain to her why her boobs aren't going to get her through life. Get a job at the bank!

Reunited

2006-03-08T19:29:00.000-08:00

GL Moms

2006-03-04T10:38:00.000-08:00

Any GL moms with school frustrations are welcome here. I have plenty of "things found in a backpack" stories.

Ten years and counting.....

2006-03-03T13:24:00.000-08:00

It has been ten years since we met. It is a day I will NEVER regret. That night will remain in my memory forever. By far you are the most inspiring, caring and best "female" fisherperson I know. I thought this would be a nice way for you, our friends and family to see what is going on with us.

I hope you enjoy this and post often!

Love Stash!!!