Jose and the technicolor fart

So I get the call from the teacher this week. Same stuff, Sam won't listen, sit still, pay attention blah blah blah. However, this time his teacher says he had a worse day. Apparently Sam had a bout with uncontrollable laughter. His teacher said that his friend Jose had passed gas and Sam couldn't stop laughing. I am sorry, but I couldn't even address this issue. It's funny, plain and simple. Plus, a fart is diverse and brings children of other ethnic backgrounds together on a neutral platform. The fart...funny when we do it, funny when others do it, and really funny when animals do it. In my house the funny factor of the fart stays. It's funny.

St. Francis Gone Bad

So the kitten's still around. He has a name (Olaf) and has a litter box. The problem is the little asshole has got to go, but the alternatives are scary. He needs to go to a shelter but I don't want him to end up as cancer research. The no-kill shelters have waiting lists so Olaf continues to live in comfort disrupting our lives. So far he has tipped the bird cage over, had a feast of my peace lily, hung from the salt water tank, ate from the garbage and puked whatever he didn't digest, attacked the dog on numerous occasions, and generally taken over the house. Don't get me wrong..I enjoy holding, kissing, petting, and playing with the little bastard, the problem is that this kitten is a pain in the ass and when we're trying to sell our house the last thing we need is a litter box and an attack cat in the basement. So decisions need to be made and Olaf needs a home. We'll enjoy him for now.

Somebody stop me

For the 4th time I have found a stray cat and have begun to care for it. This one is different than the others because it is only about 3 months old and doesn't want to secretly kill me. It loves me, my son, and my dog. Stash is allergic so he just kind of pushes it to the side with his foot. Now that I have fed it, kissed it, (I probably have worms) and brought it into the house at night, it just lays in front of the door all day. I will find a home for Olaf. It is my goal this week. This bad habit of mine causes my mother to cringe. She always said I was a follower of St. Francis.

Vote for "Obi"

Ahhhh, District 4. This congressional race is interesting to say the least. Of course we have good old Betty McCollum that wants to stick more and more money in to St. Paul Schools to fund things that our children will never take advantage of. And, of course, let's not forget human rights (because we don't have enough) and the problems in Iraq. Good job Betty, your platform consists of everything the voters want to hear. But now let me introduce you to Jack Shepard. He is a fugitive felon dentist living in Rome. I think he's LOST. He can't enter the state without being arrested for arson of his dentist office. Then we have "Obi" Sium (R) who is a Hydrologist, Civil Engineer, and Ex-Oakdale Planning Commissioner. His platform includes cutting taxes and making schools responsible for what the do with the amount of funds they are allowed. HMMM, I think my mind is made up. I'm bringing Jack back into town to have a couple of beers and a bonfire. O.K., just kidding, I gotta go with Obi. But Jack, you're hot, call me baby, I'm on fire.

The worm has turned

I just have to comment on this woman? Mpls. fire Chief Bonnie? Bleskacheck. What the hell. This person should be fighting against discrimination and yet she's creating discrimination. It's all coming full circle, folks. This is a prime example of someone taking advantage of a diversity position. Bonnie, Bonnie, Bonnie. What's the matter with you?

What the hell was that?

So we are trying to sell our house in the Eastside. 'Cause that's how we roll. However, the challenges are endless. First you have the fact that it's a buyers market out there, so we're basically screwed by that. Then you have your neighbors. Ours have pigeons and chickens. The city of St. Paul doesn't really respond to complaints regarding fowl because they don't want to ruffle any cultural "feathers". O.K. fine. But now, we have a family of 10 skunks that are after these creatures (and their eggs)so my house is filled with skunk smell every night. Just great!@! So guess who is going to city hall and becoming a huge burden? ME. According to my friends I am supposed to embrace diversity...and then I ask them..."How's the weather in Woodbury, Highland, and Apple Valley? Hypocrits. Don't let your recycling blow over, you'll get a ticket.

Has anyone seen my expansion valve?

This is all I need. This lamp, this ashtray, and this expansion valve. That's all I need. All I need is this lamp, this ashtray, this expansion valve, and my freakn' ice maker to be fixed!!! People are crazy. They still can't live without their ice and now they are becoming verbally abusive about it. I did find out one thing today though. Special needs people can make your life better in less than seconds. My place of employment has temporarily hired special needs people to do some menial tasks. They are so appreciative, kind, and respectful that it makes you wish you were in their world for one day. Americans are becoming spoiled and ungrateful. They can't live without ice water and hate for their daily routines to be distrupted. They don't say "thanks" or "please" anymore and could give a shit less that someone is working their butt off to please them. I think we need to learn from special needs people. They are just grateful when someone is being kind to them.. and at this point in life, so am I. That's sad.